In The Summertime
by MrSpockify
Summary: Series of one-shots following our favorite crewmembers as they spend their summer together on the Enterprise. Rated K-plus for barely any language. Latest chapter: Been a Little Wicked, Have We?
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: **This one was inspired by the zoo(surprised?).

**Summary: **McCoy and Kirk finally convince Spock to go to the zoo, where certain petting zoo animals seem to like Spock.

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><p><span>A Trip to the Zoo<span>

After several days of whining, complaining, and bickering, Kirk and McCoy finally won. They were finally able to convince Spock to go to the zoo with them. Although the Vulcan would have much more preferred to stay on his home planet for shore leave, or at least stay on the ship, he was tired of hearing the constant, obnoxious "pleases" from the Doctor and Captain.

They had beamed down and found their way into the zoo, and already Spock was skeptical. Looking around at the animals in the cages, he turned to Kirk and raised an eyebrow. Before he could comment, McCoy jumped in and shook a finger in front of the Vulcan's impassive face.

"Oh, no you don't. I don't want to hear a single negative thing from you. Not a comment on the animals, cages, food, _nothing._ Ok? Ok." Spock lowered the eyebrow and nodded solemnly. He could at least humor the Doctor for one day. However, it seemed to get substantially harder not to comment on the animals as they passed a bird that seemed keen on screeching directly into Spock's sensitive ears.

"It likes you." Kirk said, grinning happily.

"Must be those silly ears." McCoy added, and they moved on, a disgruntled Spock trudging behind. He was regretting ever coming to the zoo, and was considering if he would be able to sneak away without notice.

"A petting zoo!" Kirk said enthusiastically, running, with McCoy at his side, to buy crackers to feed the animals. Spock walked up to the short, wooden gate to wait for his friends, behind which were the animals. He pointed out seven goats, a cow, and a young camel. The goats looked at him once, then walked off to find someone who had food.

"Why do you get pleasure out of feeding goats?" Spock asked as Kirk came up behind him. McCoy had gone to feed the cow, so now was Spock's only chance to ask the Captain a question and not get yelled at.

"Try it." Kirk said, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he handed Spock a handful of crackers.

Spock did as he was told and threw one goat a cracker. It snatched the food from the dusty ground and swallowed it quickly. Suddenly every animal seemed to know that Spock had food, and they seemed eager to get some as well. All seven goats, the cow, and the camel came scuttling over to the surprised Vulcan, crowding around him and pressing up against the fence, their outstretched mouths gaping and begging for food.

"Captain!" Spock nearly yelled, stepping back from the animals, his eyes wide. He looked at Kirk, who pushed his science officer back towards the greedy crowd.

The Vulcan held out another cracker to the camel, and the animal took it, slobbering all over his hand. As he wiped his hand off, he noticed one of the goats stretching its head through a slot in the fence, reaching for his shirt. He pushed its head away, but was surprised when another quickly reached out and grabbed his shirt sleeve between huge teeth.

"Spock, make him let go." Kirk said, laughing as he walked up beside his friend. But it was too late.

Three goats came from nowhere, grabbing various places on Spock's shirt and tugging him closer to the fence. In self defense, Spock threw the crackers over, but it didn't help. The other goats found his pants, and started chewing on them. The camel was now slobbering all over Spock's neck, and the cow was licking and breathing into Spock's ear.

"Captain, what are they doing?" Spock demanded, trying to break free from the animals but having no luck. He held back a grimace as a slimy tongue slipped over his face, leaving behind a slick trail of slobber.

"They like you." Kirk said, holding back laughter. He had to look away from his first officer as McCoy came up to watch.

"Well, Jim, isn't that cute?" McCoy commented, looking at the struggling Vulcan. McCoy and Kirk took one look at each other and started cracking up laughing. The Doctor fell to the ground, crying.

"Bones, this was totally worth it." Kirk said, and McCoy nodded, slipping into another fit of chuckles.

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><p><strong>Notes: <strong>Tell me what you think in a review! They make me the happiest little Trekkie around! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **Spock and Chapel are found falling all over each other in Sickbay. McCoy spreads the word before Spock has a chance to explain the innocent tumble.

Rumor

"Ensign thinks he can boss _me_ around? Hmph! I don't think so!" Nurse Chapel was grumbling angrily to herself in the abandoned Sickbay, walking to and fro as she threw a small tantrum. An ensign had just come in and told her how to do _her own_ job! And he was in the navigation department! He was a helmsman! If you come in with an injured hand, she thought, furious, you better well let me take care of it my way! She had almost, _almost_, given him the wrong treatment, just to spite the ignorant _kid_, but she had refrained. No need to get fired…

In her angry flurry, she hadn't noticed the small hissing noise as someone walked into Sickbay. She hadn't noticed the clicking heels as their footsteps drew nearer. And she hadn't noticed that it was Spock.

"Oomph!" She huffed out as the two of them collided. Spock attempted to regain his balance by taking a step back, but he just made matter worse. Their legs entangled as Spock fell back against a wall and to the floor, and Nurse Chapel followed suit, landing on top of the surprised Vulcan. The stayed for a moment, trying to figure out what happened.

"What… Mr. Spock!" Nurse Chapel exclaimed, pulling her face from his as she realized the were extremely close. No, not even that. Their lips had been touching! She looked away in horror as she untangled herself from the officer, her face red and hot.

"That's quite all right, Ms. Chapel." Spock said, trying to calm the flustered woman. She had her hand over her mouth and she as trying to fix her hair. "I was just¾"

"Spock, you dog!" Both officers looked to the doorway instantly, freezing in place. Standing there, resting his shoulder on the wall, was Doctor McCoy. The smug-looking officer was grinning like a mad man, staring back and forth between the Nurse and the science officer.

"Doctor, I was just¾"

"You were just what? Groping and kissing my fellow officer? Oh, I see how it is." He winked at Nurse Chapel and gave her a thumbs up. "But next time keep it in closed quarters. I was just coming down here to check up. Some new ensign was complaining about you." He turned and left out the hissing doors, turning back just long enough to say, "Be safe!"

Nurse Chapel wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She buried her face in her hands and groaned. She didn't even want to look at Spock. He must think so little of her right now. She turned away and rubbed her temple soothingly.

"I am so sorry Mr. Spock." She murmured quietly, but she knew he could hear her. Those big ears weren't just for looks.

"It is alright, Nurse. I was just coming down here to inform you of a complaining ensign, but I think Doctor McCoy already did. Now, if you'll excuse me?" Nurse Chapel nodded and Spock left, feeling more embarrassed than she ever had before. Her entire body was flushed, and she felt engrossed in humiliation. However, she did feel a stab of anger again at the many mentions of that damn ensign…

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><p>Spock catapulted down the corridor once the Nurse was out of his sight. He didn't want to hurt her feelings (humans had many of them, he realized), but he also didn't want the Doctor to say anything about what he had seen. They had just fallen. They were not… Doing <em>those<em> things. He mentally shuddered, then scolded himself for doing such an illogical thing.

Where is the first place he would go? Spock thought, trying to find McCoy. Of course. The bridge. Where else would he be? The captain was there, and surely Doctor McCoy would want to tell him first. Spock walked faster than he had before, seeing a turbo lift just ahead. From behind him, he heard a whistle. Turning his head, he saw and laughing Lieutenant disappear down another corridor. He raised his eyebrow in suspicion as he got into the turbo lift, which had another Lieutenant in it. He stood by her side, staring at the wall.

"Where to, Mr. Spock?" She asked, seeming to be very cheerful. Humans have _so_ many emotions. Spock noted, shaking his head slightly.

"Bridge." She took him to the bridge, and just before the doors hissed open, she winked at him and smiled.

"_Nice_." She said empathetically. The Vulcan got out of the turbo lift, wondering what he had done to earn the compliment. Not that he cared, compliments were illogical. Discarding the incident, he walked farther onto the Bridge and looked around. Uhura was smiling a greeting at him, as always. Scotty was over fixing a console, but he looked up long enough to nod at the Vulcan. Over at the helm, Sulu was laughing at something Chekov was talking about.

"She had no idea vhat she vas doing. Ve need a new Nurse." Both yellow-clad officers stopped their conversation to turn to Spock. They waved and smiled. All was normal… Sort of. A little friendlier than usual, he might add.

But as he looked over to where the Captain was sitting, he realized all was not well. McCoy stood beside the Captain, grinning and looking at Spock. Captain Kirk was doing the same, only he was nodding in approval.

"Good work Mr. Spock. I do believe some of our human nature has rubbed off on you." Kirk stated, trying not to laugh.

"And then rubbed off onto Nurse Chapel!" McCoy added, and the entire Bridge crew fell to the floor, rumbling with fits of laughter. Spock stood rigid, staring at each one in turn, until he came back to McCoy. By that time, everyone had calmed down a bit, though they were still chuckling lightly.

"I would never be with Nurse Chapel." Everyone winced simultaneously. Usually he wasn't so harsh on the subject; he didn't want to hurt her feelings. "You see, I wouldn't want to cheat on my lover." He winked at McCoy, turned, and left without another word, leaving the stunned, silenced Bridge crew to stare at the Doctor with wide eyes and open mouths.


	3. Chapter 3

I Canna Understand Ye!

I am going to kill that ensign! If he keeps messing up my beautiful ship, he's going to pay! Nobody comes in here and messes with my consoles like this! What is this? What did he do to this? Why the hell did he put that wire here? And that one _there_? Is the man blind?

Scotty was screaming in his head. He had never been this angry before. But he had a perfectly good reason to be this furious. An ensign kept waltzing in here with a few tools, claiming he could fix something that wasn't broken, then destroying it. And he seemed especially keen on destroying consoles. This was the fourth one Scotty had to fix this week! Ridiculous! This problem needed to be fixed. NOW!

With his fists clenched and his brow furrowed deeply, the engineer stomped down the hall, glaring at anyone who dared to look him in the eye. He was in no mood for the giggles that were escaping from a young Lieutenant's mouth, nor the 'hello' that came from a red shirt. Although, he did nod politely to the red shirt. He might as well, the guy was going to die anyway.

As he was standing in the turbo lift, heading towards the bridge, Scotty started to think up what he was going to say to the Captain. No, he started thinking up what he was going to _yell_ at the Captain. He was tired of this ensign making him lose sleep. Every night, he sat in bed, wide awake, fearing which piece of equipment would be next, and hoping it wasn't his engines. That last thought made him cringe every time. He just couldn't bear the thought of that ensign touching with his ship. She was just too precious to him to let that ever happen.

The turbo lift stopped at the bridge, and Scotty was surprised that the doors hadn't opened with their usual _swish_. Instead, there was a moment's hesitation, then the doors slowly, ever so slowly, parted. They opened _so_ slowly. He gawked at them for a moment, wondering why they were doing this. They had never done this! But his question was quickly answered as he looked up at the bridge. Standing next to the Captain, was the ensign. His eyes were wide and innocent, as usual, and he had that stupid, wide-set grin in his face. Scotty rolled up his sleeves and trudged onto the bridge, giving the man the death glare.

"Wha'didya do t' me lift?" His voice was booming with rage, and ever figure turned to look in shock at the engineer. Even Spock seemed a bit taken aback. But the best look was from the ensign. He turned to stare at his superior officer, a slight frown on his face. He quickly hid the tool that was in his hand behind his back, smiling a cheesy smile.

"Nothing, sair." There was that stupid accent! Accents were awful! Scotty could feel his spine tingling with each syllable the boy uttered. He couldn't _stand_ accents! Not at all!

"Wha'ye mea'nothin'? Ye see tha'? Wha'ye thin' o' tha'?" He pointed to the turbo lift, whose doors were still slowly closing. They inched closed, glacier slow, leaving Scotty even more heated than before. He stared at the ensign, who was gawking, looking confused.

"Uh… Vhat?" He tugged at his red shirt nervously, looking back and forth between the Captain and Scotty.

"Don'ive me tha' bo'! Cap'n, I wa' s'methin' do'!" He looked to Captain Kirk, who seemed equally as confused as the ensign. They exchanged quick looks, which enraged Scotty further. Why wasn't anyone answering him? Why was nothing being done?

Scotty screamed. He actually _screamed_! His arms were thrown into the air and he was shaking with rage. The whole ship was out to get him. Everyone was ignoring him, making him mad, and ruining his equipment. He shot another look towards the brown-haired ensign.

"Um.. Scotty?" Captain Kirk was standing by his engineer now, his hand on his shoulder. He spoke soothingly, trying to calm the enraged man. Scotty turned to his Captain, taking deep breaths. "Um, we don't know what you're saying." The engineer frowned. Couldn't understand him? What did he mean? He was speaking so clearly! It was obvious what he was trying to say… "Chekov here was just coming to tell me about his transition to helmsman. I'm sure you'll miss your engineer, but he thinks it's best."

Transition? Helmsman? He was… going to… be… gone? Scotty was grinning like a madman now. He could feel tears springing to his eyes. He could feel the joy well up inside of him. He actually felt like singing. He wanted to shout notes from above, and dance around, and party all night! With one last grin and a 'thank you' aimed at the Captain, and slightly towards Chekov, he turned and left. He didn't even care that it took forever for the lift doors to open and close. He was gone. The ensign was gone.

However, his joy subsided as he entered engineering. The place was a mess. There was tools on the ground, and wires hanging out everywhere. He stepped over loose pipes and crawled under beams that had fallen. Standing in the middle of the mess, grinning, was a young man with blond hair and a thick Irish accent.

"Hey," he said cheerily, dropping a tool. "I'm Finnegan."


	4. Chapter 4

Check Mate

"Doctor, I am not usually one to place bets. But, in this case, I believe I have the upper hand, and I will agree to participate in the barbaric act." Spock said casually, nodding the Doctor McCoy. In response, the Doctor grinned happily, obviously excited about _something_. The Vulcan tried to ignore the mischievous look that crawled onto his face, and the slyness that was now swimming in his blue eyes.

"The loser has to…" McCoy trailed off, looking towards the ceiling for a moment as if he was thinking. But, of course, he already had something in mind. Something well thought out. Something devious. Something extraordinary. He held up a finger and went, "Ah!" as if he had just thought of a brilliant idea. Trying to hold back his laughter, Doctor McCoy leaned in to Spock's ear and whispered something very quietly. He didn't want to give it away to the spectators (which was basically the entire crew of the _Enterprise_) because, honestly, his idea was wonderful. It had to be a surprise.

Spock raised a suspicious eyebrow and nodded slowly, seeming to regret his acceptance of the bet. He stood up straight and put his hands behind his back, staring intently into the Doctor's bright, blue eyes. "Very well."

It was officially on.

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><p>"Check mate." McCoy announced, receiving a chorus of shocked cheers from the crowd around them. Spock stared at the 3-D chess set before him, but he couldn't believe his eyes. It had hardly been five minutes, and he was beaten. By Doctor McCoy! <em>Doctor McCoy<em>! He exchanged a glance with the Doctor, who actually seemed just as shocked as him.

"Alright, you pointy-eared elf, I won." Doctor McCoy stood up and pointed to the small stage that was in the rec deck. Spock nodded slightly and stood, regretting placing that bet. Why did he do it in the first place? He knew placing bets was a terrible thing to do. It was uncivilized and certainly _not_ an act that a sophisticated Vulcan would partake in. He felt almost ashamed of himself for agreeing.

But feeling embarrassed was the least of his troubles. McCoy handed him his Vulcan lyre and guided him to the stage, where the crew gathered below him, clapping excitedly and grinning. He took a deep, reluctant breath, and started to strum.

"In the middle of the earth,

In the land of shire,

Lived a brave little hobbit,

Whom we all admire."

As the Vulcan continued to sing the dreaded song, McCoy stood at the back of the room, laughing his head off along with his Captain. Little did Spock know, Captain Kirk had been feeding instructions to the Doctor through an earpiece the entire time. He had cheated, but it was totally worth it.

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><p><strong>Notes<strong>: The song of choice was _The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins_ by none other than Leonard Nimoy himself. :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes: **I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've just been so busy with High School. Darn you Honors Geometry!

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><p><span>Secret<span>

Kirk had gone into his first officer's quarters to find Spock. He hadn't bothered with signaling his entrance, since Spock had told him to come by at any time during the day to talk. He had figured the Vulcan would be in his room, researching some 'fascinating' topic or just simply meditating. But as he looked around the quiet enclosure, he realized the crewman wasn't present.

"Spock?" He called out hesitantly. He didn't want to assume that he wasn't there, just in case the pointy-eared man popped out from nowhere, scaring his superior officer out of his wits. Although, that didn't seem like Spock… Did it?

He brushed off the thought and gave one last look around, just in case. He really wanted to talk to Spock about something. Right as he sighed and initially gave up on his search for his friend, something strange caught his eye. He walked up to it slowly, feeling partially bad for intruding on Spock's personal items. But the shiny, small black box had caught his attention, and now he just _had_ to know what it was.

He picked up the slick case and turned it over in his hands. There was no label on the outer sides, so he had no idea what was inside. Should I open it? That would definitely be an intrusion on his personal life. What if it was something embarrassing? Like a picture of another crewman or something? The Captain did not need to see those sort of things…

But then again, it was Spock. The logical, stoic man wouldn't have anything to hide. He had told his friend his biggest secret long ago, when they had traveled to Vulcan for his marriage ritual. He had nothing to hide from Kirk. They were best friends. Two of a kind. Brothers.

_No_! Kirk forced himself to set the box down on Spock's bedside table. He couldn't do that to his friend. He would be betraying the trust that bound them together. He would be digging into his friend's personal life. He would be-

Oops! The Captain looked down at what he had done. The black container lay on the ground, the lid right beside it. The contents hadn't come out when he had 'accidentally' hit it, but they were most definitely out in the open. All Kirk had to do was lift up the box and pour the contents into his hand. All he had to do was that, and he could see was Spock was hiding away in his room…

I can't do that to him, Kirk thought guiltily, staring down at the box longingly. He just couldn't bring himself to do it… But then again…

Kirk grunted loudly and reached down for the box. He just couldn't take it any more! The thought of Spock having something worth keeping from him was too much to take. With another grunt, he looked hungrily into the box, shaking with anticipation. What wonders could this mysterious box be holding for him? He was nearly drooling as he looked down at…

Skin?

Kirk furrowed his brow and frowned, picking up the tan-colored objects. There was two triangular shapes in his hand. They looked familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint where he had seen them before. In fact, he couldn't really pinpoint what they were. He stared intently at them, turning the objects over and over in his hand, trying to imagine what they could be used for. They were some sort of rubber material, and definitely skin-colored. Although, they were a little bit green-tinted, as if…

"Oh my God!" Kirk exclaimed, gaping happily at the _false ears_ before him. He put one of the objects up to his own ear, and sure enough, it fit. Anyone could put them on and instantly look Vulcan. He stood there for a minute, not sure how to react to this revelation. But after a silent moment, he couldn't take it anymore and cracked up into a large fit of laughter. He held himself up against a wall, trying to calm down his hysterics. But the mere thought of Spock wearing false ears was too much.

Suddenly he stood up straight, his eyes wide and his laughter under control. Kirk placed the ears in the box and returned it to its original place. With a glint of humor in his eyes and a smirk on his mouth, he left the room and headed to the bridge. He had some business to take care of…

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><p>There he was, standing on the bridge. His back was ram-rod straight and his face as passive as ever. The blue fabric of his uniform was impeccably unwrinkled and pulled down to the perfect length, and his boots unscathed and shiny. And his hair. Oh, his hair. The black, short hair was Starfleet Regulation, of course. And there wasn't a single stray lock to point out. The sideburns were pointed immaculately, just like his ears.<p>

Well, his _fake _ears.

Kirk studied his first officer scrutinizing as he walked onto the bridge. As the Vulcan nodded a greeting to him, he nodded in return curtly, squinting suspiciously. Spock didn't seem to notice and continued some conversation he was having with Lieutenant Uhura. Something about hailing a crewmember on deck number… Whatever it wasn't important. He keenly observed his first officer. Whenever his jaw moved to say a word, his ear would move in response. It twitched upward, brushing against his clean-cut hair. No matter how closely he observed it, he couldn't find the line that showed him where the false ear started and the real ear ended.

He looked closer and closer, but he just couldn't see it. Damn, these were good ears! He took a step near the Vulcan, squinting harder. But there was nothing! He couldn't see the break between the ears! With an exasperated sigh that was probably way too loud, Kirk struck out with his hand and latched his fingers onto Spock's ear.

"Captain…?" Spock muttered, started at the outburst. He turned his head slightly to look at his superior officer, seemingly stunned out of his wits. He could only watch with a gaping mouth as Kirk grinned and gave the ear a huge, powerful yank.

"Ah ha!" Kirk exclaimed, feeling the ear in his fingertips. But as he smiled down at his prize, he didn't seem to find it amazing anymore. Attached to the ear, staring up at him with a strange expression, was Spock. "What…"

"Captain, if you would please release me?" Kirk did as he was told, perplexed. He stared at the Vulcan, wanting an explanation. Apparently, Spock wanted one too.

"But, in your quarters…" he ignored the shocked expression on Spock's face, "I found false ears. Why are… But they…" He indicated the pointed ears that were on Spock's head. The most-definitely _real _ears.

"Those, Captain, are a present for Doctor McCoy. His birthday is coming up, and I was trying to be, I suppose, unique." Kirk gaped at his first officer. Was he serious? He was serious, wasn't he? He closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. Here he had thought Spock had been hiding a huge secret from him. Here he had thought he was about to unravel some huge mystery. Here he had thought something interesting was going to happen.

With one last sigh, the Captain turned and walked off, indicating that everyone should get on with their duties.

Spock turned around as well, walking back to his station. As he sat down and stared at his panel, his fingers reached up to caress his sore ear gently. He glanced from side to side and breathed out quietly. "That was close…" He muttered under his breath.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes: **Part of this story won't really make sense if you haven't read the previous chapter, Secret. But, only a small portion. You can read this story without the other. Also, this story was written as I sit here, staying home from school because I'm sick. If it's strange or terrible, I apologize. Blame the stomach flu.

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><p><span>Do You want It To Go, Doctor?<span>

Captain Kirk, along with the rest of the major bridge crew and a few poor red shirts who had been told they were to go on a landing party mission later, were hungrily watching their alien crewmember as he slaved for them over the make-shift kitchen in the rec room. Scotty had managed to get an oven, some countertops, a microwave, and a refrigerator into a corner. Despite his protests and nagging about how "The replicater'll do just fine," Spock insisted that he be able to cook a real meal for Dr. McCoy's birthday.

"What would you like me to prepare, Doctor?" Spock had queried, looking rather unusual in his apron. (Sulu had said he insisted to Spock that it was tradition, and to not wear it would be very offensive.)

"Anything that ain't poisoned," he responded, squinting his bright blue eyes at the Vulcan, who, in turn, raised an eyebrow.

"Do you really think I'd commit such an act of felony?"

"I don't trust those pointed ears."

But now, McCoy was watching his Vulcan crewmate, grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear. Earlier, he had opened Spock's gift with a scowl, but once he had put the pointed prosthetics on himself, he hadn't taken them off. As he watched the Vulcan stir and poke at something steamy, he turned and elbowed his Captain.

"Do you think it's fair that I had him make me ribs?" As the Doctor said it, both men looked over in time to see Spock pick up a rack of raw ribs. Both could have sworn he looked like he was going to puke.

"I don't trust those ears, Bones," Captain Kirk replied, smiling and tapping at the pointed ears on McCoy's rounded ones. Both men laughed and turned back to the chef, watching as his cheeks grew greener and greener. Maybe it _was _kind of mean to ask a vegetarian to prepare meat…

A loud _clank_ reverberated through the room, followed by a brief moment of chuckling from the crew. They grinned as Spock leaned down to pick up the dropped tongs. But as he stood up, his elbow whacked up against one of the several pots on the stovetop, and a strange, dark liquid was sent spewing all over himself and the kitchen. The crew almost started laughing. _Almost._

But somehow, watching their friend catch one fire wasn't very funny. The stovetop erupted in flames, engulfing Spock's apron. He jumped backwards, ripping the cloth off of himself and flinging it to the side. Uhura sprinted up to the Vulcan and swatted at his head, where a small section of his hair had begun to light up. The room was suddenly alight with action. Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy flung themselves at Spock, and Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Nurse Chapel ran off to find help. The red shirts, delighted to help, sprinted over to the stove. One by one, they tripped and fell onto the flames. And one by one, their dead bodies put out the fire.

"Spock, are you alright?" Uhura was patting Spock's singed hair and looking worried. The Vulcan nodded and turned to the Doctor and shrugged.

"Happy birthday, Doctor," he said in a calm, stoic voice. McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, Spock."


	7. Chapter 7

Been A Little Wicked, Have We?

"Keptain," the intercom in his room bleeped, and a Russian brogue entered his room. Kirk slowly lifted himself from his bed, his limbs aching. He really should ask McCoy for something to help… But, no! That would give the old Doctor another reason to bicker about his health. Suddenly something in his back popped, and his eyes widened a little in shock.

"Ooh!" he exclaimed, placing a hand gingerly on his spine. He straightened out his back ever so slowly, wincing at the loud, continuous snapping and cracking coming from behind. Once he was thoroughly upright, he shook his head. That can't be good, he thought.

"Keptain, are you there?" Chekov asked, sounding a bit worried.

"I'm coming!" Kirk called out, walking up to the com unit. He slammed his fist on a button and huffed. "Yes?" he said calmly, his voice suddenly changing. No need to alarm the young ensign, he figured.

"Keptain, ve have beamed aboard some people, and they vish to see you, eef eet's alright vith you," he said, and Kirk swore he could hear something in his voice. Humor? Smugness? What was it?

"Alright," he said finally, rubbing his temple. Might as well, he thought. If he didn't, they'd probably just be sent to his quarters anyway.

"Wery good," Chekov continued, and again Kirk heard some sort of smirk in his tone. "They are een the rec room," the young ensign finished and cut off the line, but not before Kirk could catch a glimpse of a laugh bubbling up. He scrunched his brow, but chose to ignore it. The kid had probably just had a lot of coffee that morning.

The door swished shut behind him and the only sound in the hall was the sound of his clicking boots. He stepped into the turbo lift, and he was confused by the surprised expression on a Lieutenant already there. The nervous man's lips were twitch and he was wringing his hands together. Kirk was about to ask him what was up when the lift doors opened. He gave the man one last glance before walking out and rolling his eyes. What was with everyone today?

He walked up to the rec room door and it swished open before him, allowing him to enter. He was surprised to see McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, and Spock sitting at a table together. Three out of the four of them were grinning and seeming to suppress hysterical laughter. Only the stoic Vulcan was silent, though Kirk could see mild interest in his eyes. He walked up to the group.

"Why are you here?" He demanded, his hands on his sides, balled up in fists. "You're _supposed _to be on duty," he added, looking at each one of them in turn. He was especially surprised to see Spock there. The man hadn't missed a day of work in his whole life. And now, here he was, obviously skipping his shift and… what? Enjoying some down-time with other fellow ditch-men? He didn't dare call them crewmen. They were cutting work! What was this?

"Sorry, Jim," the doctor spoke up, his voice strangled as he held back chuckles. "We just didn't want to miss this."

"Miss what?" Kirk asked, angry still. He followed McCoy's finger and peered to his right, then gasped.

There, sitting at a table together, was a few, or rather, a _lot_, of women. And he recognized each and every one. There was Janice Lester, a woman he had been with for a year. Areel Shaw, his old love. Janet Wallace, whom he had begun to get over a long while ago. Lenore Karidian, whom he had blatantly used. Then, as he looked further, he could see more women, whom he remembered sharing a kiss or two or three or four with. Ruth, Eve, Janice, Helen, Sylvia, Marlena, Nona, Shahna, Marta, Kelinda, Anne, Elaan, Odona, Rayna, Drusilla, Miramanee, Carol, Antonia, Miranda, Martia… All of them. He gulped, standing awkwardly as, beside him, three of the ditch-crew cracked up and boiled with laughter.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat, stepping tentatively forward one step. He waved a shaking hand, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. "Hello," he squeaked nervously. A sleek Orion woman stood from the middle of the group and walked up to nearly five feet from the blushing captain. She raised a slim eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"We need to talk."

* * *

><p><strong>Note: <strong>This chapter was made purely to be humorous, and should not be looked into very much. A lot of the women noted would probably not be able to get aboard the _Enterprise _to speak with our naughty little captain, but whatever.

Also, Happy Halloween! What are you going as? I'm going as Charlie Chaplin! What's that you say? Too old? How can someone be too old for free candy and dress-up? :)


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